Forever - Fiction

In the days of the war, when men and women ran headfirst into ­barrages of gunfire, there was not one person unaffected. Soldiers died, and families submerged in sorrow when the officer knocked on their door. I was no different. I was the naive, fresh-out-of-high-school girl who married a reservist, and then paid the price for my innocence.

I remember that hour vividly: the meek face of the officer, the wind nudging the clouds over the sun, down to the small flag waving on my porch. I bit down on my lower lip. This was the moment that had starred in my nightmares for seven months. At any second, I would wake up and be staring at the ugly popcorn ceiling of my bedroom. That relief never came. Zachary Atmos, my husband, was killed trying to protect an injured comrade.

Exactly one week later, in a whirl of color and people talking too fast, I followed my brother-in-law to my seat at the funeral. It was a miserable day. Rain had poured relentlessly for two days. In my self-pity I believed that the angels were crying.

The militaristic funeral service was covered by neon blue tarps; the riflemen seemed unfazed by the cold. In unison, their guns fired three times in salute to my husband. With every ringing shot, I shook.

I wondered what he had heard in his final moments. Was he in pain when he died? Had he thought of me? What if I had joined alongside him and been deployed also? Would things have been different? Now there was no way of knowing.

Like the statues placed around the cemetery, I was similarly stone-faced, but with ribbons of moisture running down my face. I was crying. I and the attendees around me were like a black-clad sculpture garden, conveying solemnity in our midst. I moved only to accept the flag that was laid over my husband’s coffin. Over the sheet-like drone of the rain, a single bugle player performed the lonely tune of Taps – a lullaby for the dead.

Then, as quickly as everything had begun, it was over. I was walking away, my face downcast toward the sidewalk. I wondered if Zack was watching me, if he was feeling okay. My mind was so wrapped in these questions, I wasn’t paying attention. The stiletto heel of my shoe wedged into a crevice, causing the other to slip on the concrete. My leg flew up while the other collapsed under me. I don’t remember much of the initial fall, but I must have yelled, for the ducks nearby retreated to their hidden nests in the reeds.

My dress was wet and my tumble broke my umbrella. My bangs stuck
to my temples, pressing the newly acquired grime to my face. Forcing myself to my knees, I noticed a diluted film of red coating the ground. Only then did the palms of my hands and my right knee begin to sting. For the millionth time that day, tears flew to my eyes and threatened to spill over my lashes.

My marred hand went to my face instinctively, smearing blood on my cheeks and sending mascara around my eyes and brows. I caught my reflection in a puddle, my shoulders falling at my pathetic image.

Great tufts of hair hung matted, ­soggy, and windblown. My makeup ran in deformed rivers. My black gown was wrinkled and stained with blood. Suddenly, the smallest flash of light caught my eye. Centered neatly in my V-shaped collar hung the necklace I had put on that morning. My gaze was locked on the tiny charm on the delicate chain. Zack had given me it shortly before he was deployed. It depicted the face of a wolf. The flat back of the charm had a single character in Japanese hiragana: Kokoro – the word for “Forever” or “Always.”

I knelt there in the rain and wind, contemplating … always … always … The word sounded so comforting. My fingertips grazed the cool metal at my throat, and I stood. I gathered my purse and my useless umbrella, standing straight and tall. The pendant on my necklace rested comfortably at my heart like unbreakable armor.

A few hours later, I was home, bathed and warm again, hands and knee bandaged with care. Huddled by the fireplace with a book, I looked into the flames, where I swear I saw him smiling his dorky grin at me.

I love you because...

I love you because...well. Why? Why do I love you?
I think it's because I love so many things about you and because you mean everything to me.
My heart, it's not shaped like this <3 it's shaped like you.
I love the way you smile when your favourite song comes on the radio.
I love the way you rush to get your guitar when you hear somehting you can play.
I love the way you're commited to your projects.
I love the way you talk in your sleep.
I love the way you whisper "I love you" in my ear.
I love the way you squeeze my hand when we hear something cute that reminds you of us.
I love the way you make time for me.
I love the way you treat me like a princess.
I love the way you wake up in the afternoon whenever you can get away with it.
I love the way you announce every trip to the toilet.
I love the way you sit with your rabbit and talk to him.
I love the way you stroke my hair.
I love the way you say my name.
I love the way you talk about our future.
I love the way you laugh.
I love the way you have an answer for everything.
I love the way you bite your thumbs.
I love the way you say "Rocky".
I love the way you're proud to be different.
I love the way you'll only wear certain socks.
I love the way you kiss me on the neck.
I love the way you always wear black, no matter what the weather.
I love the way you try to get on with my brother.
I love the way you're polite to my family.
I love the way you let me pick your nose for you.
I love the way you laugh at my jokes then say women aren't funny.
I love the way you bought that grammar book to spite me.
I love the way you check spellings with me.
I love the way you trust me with your phone.
I love the way you post songs on my Facebook.
I love the way you always say goodnight, no matter what.
I love the way you make me feel.
I love the way you always pester me until you find out what's wrong.
I love the way you hold me when I cry.
I love the way you say "Drink?" in an inquiring tone.
I Love You, Tommy Walsh.

 

I Love You Tommy 

Dear Tommy...

I'm in love with you, everything about you. Even the things that you don't notice about yourself. You're perfect for me, you're far more than I deserve. You're my soul mate, my other half. You're my best friend and my lover neatly wrapped into one gorgeous parcel. I'd lose everything if I lost you. I want to be the one to tell you that I love you everyday, and when we're older I want to be the one to have your name, to fall asleep with you everynight. I never have to worry about how I look when we're together although I do try to look pretty for you. I love falling asleep when we're having a cuddle, I love waking up and seeing your face. You said you loved me in your slept and I smiled all morning. My feelings for you are eternal and they'll never fade away. I love you with everything I have and you are my entire worldI'm so lucky to have found you and I'm sorry for all the bad things. I want to be your future, I want you to be mine. I can make you a promise that I will always keep and it's that my love for you is undying. Whenever you need me, I'll be there for you. Whatever choices you make in life, I will support you. I understand you. You make me laugh, smile, cry, think, dream..and everything else that a person needs. When I'm sad, you make me happy. When I'm happy it's because I have YOU. You're my life, my only priority. You are all I'll ever want. I want to hold hands for no reason, cuddle with you, kiss you, hold you, make you laugh and smile. I Love You x x x

Our Love Will Be Forever, And If We Die We Die Together.